Potty training Day 1!

Yesterday was Porter's first day wearing underwear and using the toilet. He came home from school and did not have a single accident, and went in the potty all day. Then he came home and did not have a single accident and using the potty all evening. We put him to bed with a diaper but Dallin told him to dry and keep dry pants all night. Sure enough this morning he woke up with a dry diaper. It was a great first day to give him lots of rewards. I think really talking it out in great detail before we started really helped out.

He is starting to fight back at school and is beginning to act out. He has what we like to call a honeymoon period with every worker. Most kids act out right off and test boundaries. Porter waits a month and then will fight back with all he has and refuses to work or do anything for you. He is still in fight back mode with primary. He does it with everyone. It can be very hard to get him back on track or to even respond to you. I have been noticing lower and lower scores on his work indicating an increase in behavioral problems and then bam yesterday he would not work at all. He came home yesterday so off the wall the kid could not control his body at all and was banging into everything. So I tried hard yesterday to fill his sensory needs and try my best to get him on a good page for today at school, but I know him well enough to know, he is going to fight back with them today. For the most part people don't see how difficult he can be. He is a happy fun kid most of the time. They usually see some aggression with others and really hyper behavior, so it can be really hard to explain how hard it can really be for us and him. I often feel like our life revolves around waves, when the tide is back life is good and enjoyable and fun, when the tide comes in (meltdowns, behavioral problems, refusing to sleep, eat, or respond to you) that is when we feel tired, and beat down. The hardest part is the tide is very unpredictable, but you live your life knowing at any moment the tide is going to come in. Stress becomes overwhelming and often I feel our family becomes that much more unbalanced. I am getting through those times better and better and really am proud with the progress I have made through it, but I have been noticing it wearing more and more on my children.

Nickelle is really having a hard time and is really acting out a lot lately. We know she wants our attention, we know she is just trying to help us see her. She sees Porter's bad behavior getting him attention, and her behavior equals consequences. It is too hard for her to understand why it is treated differently. It is hard because when times are this stressful with Porter we are often left so emotionally drained for our other children. It becomes harder and harder to balance our time and energy with the kids. I have found myself needing to explain things to her about Porter more and more and not really having the right words to help her understand. As a mother it breaks my heart to know what lies ahead of her as far as feelings about Porter and us as parents of a child with needs. At Pingree they spend time teaching you what you can do for your other children and how to help them understand. They give conferences every couple months. Our first is in November and this is always a topic they talk on because this is really hard for these kids to understand. As hard as it is to watch Porter be teased at school and have kids not like him because of his behaviors, I can only imagine how Nickelle will feel only one grade below and probably seeing her own peers teasing him or saying things about him that will hurt her. I can only imagine the embarrassment she will feel in inviting someone over to play and Porter crying and freaking out because he cannot handle it when kids are at our house. Already now she had a friend over and Porter was freaking out at this poor girl just for walking in the house and Nickelle took her to her room with her and told her they had to be quiet so Porter could calm down. In fact we rarely have children over for this reason. Who lives like that? It is frustrating to me because I can find numerous books on autism etc, but nothing on how to help the siblings of an autistic kid. For all her challenges she amazes me everyday. This may sound weird a little bit, but sometimes I see Porter's problems so temporally and Nickelle's so eternally. It is hard because I have to fight so hard for Porter but I often wonder at what cost to Nickelle, Bennett and Brinley. Balance for me I think will be a life quest. I hope I can learn more to help our kids. I think about what they have already gone through, and my kids amaze me. I love them all so much, and hope I can find some better ways to help them all understand and deal with things as they come.