It's me again!

So I already posted today but I have been thinking all day long that maybe it was time to give a little Porter update. I am a really positive person and I hate to ever come across negative in any way. When I am around people I love to make everyone comfortable, even in really awkward situations. That is usually when my jokes come flying out. But I am also learning it is okay to tell people when you are struggling as well. So I hope you will all forgive me when I say I am struggling. Also I feel it is important to let people know the honest truth about life with Autism and I can't do that if I always sugar coat it. Porter has been going through a very difficult patch for over three months now. This has been his longest and worst bad patch ever. He tends to go in cycles where he is doing great and making progress to a big regression and very difficult behaviors etc... Sometimes the bad patches can last an hour and sometimes months so I am not sure when this one will end, I just cling to hope that it will for him. 

Some of the problems we are having with him are that he is struggling to eat and sleep. All he will eat right now is cereal and mac and cheese. Sometimes fruit. But sometimes he won't let himself eat or drink all day and I am not sure why. Sleeping has been really bad. He will sometimes stay up the entire night and not let himself sleep at all. He seems to not be able to calm down at all and rest. We have tried all we can think of, but again this just seems to be getting worse. Of course when you are not sleeping and eating great you have more behavior problems and so of course he does. The most difficult to deal with is his aggression. It is so hard to have him constantly hitting me and yelling at me along with Nickelle and his therapists. With autism no matter how hard you try to discipline it does not get through to them. He does not read social cues so he has no idea he is hurting you and you want him to stop. He also has no sense that he is being punished when he has done something wrong. It is all about prevention and learning coping skills. Unfortunately we are not sure what is triggering so much aggressive behavior. 

What is truly hard about all this is that everyday we seem to see a little less Porter and a lot more Autism. I remember being in school and studying exceptional students and learning about all kinds of disabilities and when we studied about Autism we had some families come in and share their experiences with us. What struck me most was the cruelty of having this loving child and one day a fog starts to come over them and it continues to get foggier and foggier and you see less and less of your child's personality left behind. I remember thinking nothing could be worse than slowly watching your child drift away and there was nothing you could do. I have always felt so blessed because Porter came to this earth with A WHOLE LOT OF PERSONALITY!!! He has always been so vibrant and happy. But I would be lying if I said it doesn't hurt to see the fog there and watching him drift a little bit at a time. That is why I fight with all I have to keep all I can of him here. To me this is more important than any skill he can achieve. I want him to always have that joyful happy spirit who loves life. For whatever reason we are seeing very little of that right now. 

So why am I sharing all this with you... well because I have a whole lot of faith in prayer. I am talking a whole lot of faith in it. I know that when we pray we are heard by our Father in Heaven and I know that he hears and strengthens us. I also know that when we pray for others we too are blessed with increased faith and love from the Lord. Well right now Dallin and I could really use your prayers. Right now we just need enough strength to endure this hard time until Porter gets a little stronger. I keep getting asked what can we do to help you. Pray! I feel in my heart that the Lord has so much he wants to bless Porter with. I feel that he has given all of us this wonderful blessing in our lives to know Porter and to learn that much more about Christ like love and faith. I know that Porter will probably never be healed in this life, and I also know he doesn't need to be. He is here to bless us, to help us to see better the purposes of the Lord and to keep us focused on a eternal perspective. So if you remember please add us to your prayers.

I also want to say how much it means to us to have the family and friends we have. Truly without all of you I know Dallin and I would crumble. You all give us so much strength that it keeps us going. Thanks for all the prayers already that have been said in our behalf. We have felt them and we have seen miracles because of your faith and we thank you. Thanks for loving our family and for loving and fighting with us for Porter.