Our latest adventure.

I have been thinking a lot about how we will tell people this but I just think all you can do is say it so here goes. Bennett was diagnosed this last week with autism. He is high functioning and is showing a lot of really wonderful things. We feel hopeful because of where he is at and we are glad to have answers.

We have been worried for quite a while. I have REALLY not wanted to look at it. I just kept hoping it was just us being overly worried. Dallin has had a much more level head and has been consistently telling me that this was autism and we needed to address it. I think the final straw for me was Halloween. We attended a Halloween carnival and it was so bad with him. I knew what I was looking at and I came home and told Dallin I was worried. He told me it was time to get serious and get answers. We called and got him on the waiting list at Pingree and made an appointment with the pediatrician. I was really hoping he would just say that things were fine. Instead he agreed this was too much to ignore. We then made an appointment with the doctor at Pingree. He is really the leading doctor here in Utah as far as his knowledge and understanding of Autism. We got in very quickly and he spent a long time with him and us. He told us that indeed he had autism, and then he gave us real concrete guidance and answers. We left knowing exactly what needed to be targeted in therapy and we were able to get some answers as where we should begin. That whole day we felt so at peace and we have felt a lot of peace since then too. I have had some ups and downs emotionally, but really I am doing really well. I just have these moments of feeling like how in the world will I juggle three kids in therapy and all their other activities, as well as the reality that Bennett's behaviors he will not just grow out of. It will require a lot from all of us to work with him and I can't help but be exhausted thinking about it. Every morning when I have say my prayers I have prayed to my Heavenly Father to qualify me for this. On sunday we had a great meeting about spiritual gifts. I must have really needed it because Bennett was a nightmare (he is increasingly becoming so hard at church) but somehow I heard most of the talks. It was a great reminder of the spiritual gifts I have been given and the knowledge that the Lord gives us more. I know I can pray for those gifts to bless our life right now.

We of course have a lot of new worries and have some heartbreak to. It is really hard when you see your kids asked to have such big trials in their lives. As a parent you want to shelter them. You know you can't but you never stop wanting that for them. I have been trying to wrap my mind around the knowledge that I have two boys with autism. Knowing Bennett has autism has not changed a single thing about Bennett but now I see when he does a certain thing I now know that is autism and you just see things differently. I have worked really hard not to look at the future. I have learned with Porter that the Lord is the one who opens doors and closes others. He is the true decider of where my boys will end up. Dallin and I need to provide all the opportunities for that to happen and we need to extend our faith and depend on the Lord. As new trials come we will address them. I try hard to only look forward with one eye. Trying to prepare for some things but mostly just working hard to help the things I can.

I have to say that as much as I feel sadness, I feel happiness too. I have been given 4 of God's valiant children. I see everyday the Lord's hand in our life, and it has built my faith in tremendous ways. We may never have what is considered a normal life. But we love our life and it keeps things in perspective for you. My boys are completely destructive with anything we put in our house. There is hardly a wall that doesn't have coloring on it. My table I have had to sand down and restrain twice because Bennett loves to sound of banging things on the table and it is completely chipped. My car is covered in permanent markers and stickers. I have had numerous pictures thrown off walls and furniture that is falling apart in many ways. It may always be this way. But you know what I have learned so much about what my desires are as far as material possessions. I have a lot more perspective on things. It takes a lot to upset me. It takes a lot for me to be hurt by others. I have been given the gift of knowing a real problem when I see it and because of that the smaller things are so much easier to solve and get through. Dallin and I are so much closer. We have learned to make anything a date. We can't leave much and we don't do a whole lot of outside family activities but we have learned to play hard no matter where we are. We have all learned to be kinder to others and all my children are all loving and accepting of others. We are blessed tremendously and we have a lot to be grateful for.

We hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for this year. We love you all!