In the spirit of Christmas

As we all do from time to time I have been going through a bit of a hard time. I have been experiencing some trials and I am been trying to learn and grow and get through them. But this past week I keep finding myself feeling pretty down about it. Then I will be doing something and the spirit of Christmas will enter my heart. I will look at the tree and the lights and think of the light of Christ. I will see the nativity and marvel at Christ's birth. I will watch people being generous and kind with one another and you see the spirit of Christ working in their lives. I look at my children and their excitement and their wonder at such a magical time of year and think of the happiness my testimony brings me, that it fills me with excitement like they are experiencing. But mostly this same image keeps entering in my mind. I keep seeing the Savior seeking out the sick, and healing them. The blind, the lepers, the mentally disabled, the crippled, and many other aliments that life hands us. I see him going to them and letting his gentle hands heal them. I was thinking of how often the Savior went to them. He went in some of the most vile places you could go, just so he could heal and give his love. It has made me ponder this question. Where has the Savior gone looking for you? Has he not been there even in the lowliest of places? It has always been so easy for me to know that one day through Christ Porter will be made whole. I have never questioned God's love for Porter. It has always been so easy for me to see his hand in Porter's life. But what about myself? Why is it so much more difficult to know that there is no place the Lord won't come looking for me, to heal me, to welcome me with open arms into his love. Why can I not see the miracles, and the hand he has in my life? As I have thought about these questions I am filled with his love and I am seeing him there. I am seeing more his hand and I am feeling his love for me. I am understanding that those same hands that can make Porter whole will also make me whole. I am so grateful for this time of year and the many reminders we have all around us. Of course I love the fun of Christmas but mostly I love these moments of seeing what the Lord has done for us. It is like the whole world is washed with white and the spirit of Christ and giving comes over us. Of course we go too far and we get too caught up in the gifts and we become greedy and we loose sight of what matters most. But still there is an undeniable spirit at this time of the year and we all feel it, and I am grateful for it.

For our friends and family reading this who may be wondering for themselves if God loves them. For those who may be hurting or feeling unlovable and imperfect. I want to ask you the same question. Look closely, is he not there? Has he not sought you even when you pushed him away and tried to ignore his love for you? Has he not been there through it all? I can assure you he is there. I can tell you from one very flawed and imperfect person that as he has sought for me, he is seeking you. As he is healing me, he is healing you. As he has loved me, he is loving you. We can all be healed. We can all turn to him. His love for us is constant and sure. There is no place he is unwilling to go for you. He lives! For all things that I am grateful for, this is what matters most to me. If there was one gift I could give everyone I love, it would be this knowledge. Because I love you all I wanted to share these personal thoughts with you. I am so grateful for my friendship with all of you, and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.

With love,

Season